Monday, April 25, 2011

It's all in a breath.


Last Friday I decided I would travel to Oregon for Easter. I worked late and rearranged my schedule to make it work. I was on the road Saturday morning and very excited to see my family as I hadn't been home since last July. I have a very large and close extended family. My mother is one of ten children and I often remember her saying that it "takes a tribe to raise a child." My tribe is lovely, and I can hardly believe that it has been so long since I have been in their presence.

Upwards of 70 degrees and the sun was shining around 4:30pm when I arrived at my parents house. Quite the hostess, Mother was ready with Delice de Bourgone cheese, Brie, an assortment of gf crackers, and cocktails. Although she said she scrounged the cupboards to pull it together, it was lovely (clearly she keeps delicious things in her cupboards). Even better than the favorable weather and good food, in addition to mother, father, and brother E, I was surprised and delighted to see a few of  my aunts and uncles had come over as well. We sat outside and enjoyed each others' company; brother J arrived, soon after to be followed by cousin K who arrived in style on her tandem bicycle.

Oh yes, we had a tandem bicycle date and I had been looking forward to it. K and I were born a month and a day apart. We have been best friends our entire lives. Off to ride in the remaining daylight, we cleverly moved beyond the neighbors arborvitaes (so that my family didn't have a good show of us potentially eating it) before we braved taking off on the tandem. To our surprise, we sailed smoothly from takeoff. Before I go any further I should say that K's tandem is pretty rad. It is old school, and has fun bells and a speakerbox where you can hook an ipod. I can't help but smile at the joyful sound of the bell.

Joy riding and bell ringing, happy to be together we revisited our old high school although it is hardly recognizable as such. When we were leaving the parking lot we had a near tragic moment. It was a curb/no curb situation with a last minute decision to take the street a.k.a. hop the curb. The only words to accurately describe this moment are "Epic save and master maneuvering." Had K's steering skills not been so amazing, we may have ended up straddling a telephone pole grounding wire before joining the tandem in the street. This did not happen. Epic save. After sharing an omg that just happened glance and giggle, we peddled downtown and made our way to Thistle where we enjoyed a pre prohibition cocktail and great company. Thistle sources everything locally. The community building that the lovely people of Thistle and Community Plate are creating at the table in McMinnville is truly amazing.

McMinnville is a relatively small town (population 2009: 31,729) and I guess you could say my tribe is pretty well known. I have lived away from McMinnville for the past 5 years and it amazes me how people I meet already know who I am and details about my life by association with my tribe. Seriously, nearly every conversation started, "This is N's daughter, Anna," or "This is E's sister, Anna." Which would then be followed by a moment of recognition, greeting, and either "How are you healing from your accident?" or "You live in Spokane, right, how do you like it?" It always brings a smile to my face. Even though I don't make it home nearly as often as I'd like and often feel like the phantom daughter, home is always home, and I am clearly loved.

Easter Sunday is the largest family gathering of the year for us. It used to be my favorite holiday simply because I enjoyed participating and seeing the amazing men and women in my family work together in the kitchen to create such a magnificent feast, where all were welcome to share. The pictures really speak for themselves in terms of the scale, but I have to note they are a little blurry as everyone was piling back inside from the parking lot from taking our annual family picture and I was slightly fearful of getting run over. Can you blame me?

Beginning of the Line


View from Dessert Table End


Sunday passed too quickly but left smiles on my heart. It was 7:30 before I realized the time, and after stopping off to say goodbye to my parents and get my Kaia dog, I was headed West when all signs for Spokane pointed East. It was raining buckets in the Van Duzer Corridor, but that didn't matter as my hands remembered the familiar road that was taking me to the only place I wanted to be.

I hadn't seen the Pacific Ocean in almost a year-I hadn't felt like I could breathe entirely freely for almost a year. An earthen relationship I had been cultivating since childhood was pulling me back with the tides, singing my name and sneaking into every free moment of my consciousness. Adding two extra hours onto my already seven hour drive home may not have been a wise decision in my mother's eyes, but for me it was the only answer.

For the past few weeks I have been dreaming of the ocean day and night: the tides gravitating by the forces of the sun, moon, and earth, the waves breaking upon the shore, my feet in the water and a cool breeze dancing across my cheeks brushing back salt curled tendrils that tickle my skin. I have walked along side it, I have knelt before it, I have waded into it. I have bowed in awe to it's power. With each breath of salt filled air my spirit was exfoliated. Sloughing off all that was unneeded, illuminating peace to the truths my intuition knows. Fresh, alive, and reborn. I could finally breathe again. Then I awoke.

The ocean is the reality of my dream; deep, powerful, unknown--full of life and wonder.

I greeted my old friend last night, I walked along the ocean shore, I sat in the sand, I remembered, and I wondered. I listened to the waves, the wind, and my breath. I sat in silence, and when I spoke I promised I would be back again soon.

I almost gave my mother a heart attack last night. At the very least, I know she didn't rest well until 5:30am Monday when she knew I was safely home in my bed. Her immediate text response upon my arrival affirmed this suspicion. I'm sorry to worry you mother, but we both know that I was born with a free spirit and a strong will, after all I am your daughter. While a part of me may have known that your reasons were reasonable, I understood that unreason was the only resolve to honor the needs I recognized deep in my soul.

The end of a long beautiful adventure, the beginning of a new day 5:15am Spokane, WA